If I designed a public bathroom
It would be a pleasure to poo
I’d always have a hook to hang my coat
And the floors would never look like a moat
I'm a man who likes his peace
Plus I hate to see my neighbor's feet.
Woah I think I could make a
kickass bathroom

Have you ever been to the bathroom?
And when you got there, It seemed like
everybody else at work was there to go two, too

And there’s always that one stall that’s empty,
that you don’t really want to use But,
you don’t have much choice, cause you’re at about an 8.5 on the Poo Poo Panic scale

So you walk in reluctantly
Forgoing the protective sheet
Cause you know, once you put it down
You got roughly 5 seconds before it drowns

You line the seat with toilet paper
And wonder if talking on your phone while on the can is just human nature

Cause so many people seem to do it
It’s a little off putting
And kind of disgusting

And so, you sit down,
but you know, it’s not ideal
Cause you’ve got, groany McGroanerson on your left side
And Mr. Imina invade your personal space with my foot McGoo on your right.

But you persevere, maybe stick your fingers in your ears
Close your eyes, and imagine you’re in a magical meadow, where all you can smell are fresh daisies, and not that guy who sounds like he’s suffering from dysentery two stalls over.

If I designed a public bathroom
It would be a pleasure to poo
All the stall walls would touch the ground
And the room would absorb the sound
I'm a man who likes his peace
Plus I hate to see my neighbor's feet.
Woah I think I could make a
kickass bathroom

Now you’re almost at the home stretch
But you got another thing to check
Are your neighbors almost done as well?
If you leave together it’ll be awkward as hell
…what about metering lights?

If I designed a public bathroom
It would be a pleasure to poo
I’d make sure that there’d never be a gap
Between the stall door and the frame what’s up with that
I'm a man who likes his peace
Plus I hate to see my neighbor's feet.
Woah I think I could make a
kickass bathroom