1. |
||||
If I were a girl
Even just for a day
Would I be attracted to guys
Or would I be a girl who is gay?
Order a cosmo
And have somebody else pay
I'd be kind of a bitch
And blame it on PMS
So everyone would be nice to me
If I were a girl
I don't think I could understand
How I could love Bridget Jones
But turn my nose at, Spiderman
I'd make food for him
Cause I know how it hurts
When he cooks he always burns it
Microwaves and never turns it
And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a girl
I'd be such a flirt
And make the guys go crazy
With an offensively short skirt
I'd take way too long
To get ready for a date
Make him sit on the couch with flowers
And let him know I'm, worth the wait
If I were a girl
I don't think I could understand
How I could swear to love the smart guys
But go crazy for that macho man
I wouldn't use too much teeth
Cause I know how it hurts
And I'd turn off your xbox
Before you got to save
And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late, for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
I almost killed the last boss
Then you turned it off
But you're just a girl
You don't understand
And I'm just a boy
Yea I don't understand
But that's what makes us so beautiful
Our imperfections visible
In spite of that we’re all still intact
If I was your mom
|
||||
2. |
||||
He’s on the phone with his dealer, I’m upset
Cause I lent him 80 bucks to help pay his rent
So how is he, able to buy more weed?
I’m in the room it’s a typical Tuesday night
He’s listening to the kind of music nobody likes
And he’ll never, remember anything ever
Oh he wears hemp shoes, hoodie sweatshirts
He’s a pothead, and always smells like burnt shoes
I’m dreaming bout the day when I’ll wake up and find
That while at Burning Man, he’ll have OD’d and died
If you could see that I'm the one who has to suffer
Tired of saying no, so stop asking me
Hit this bong with me
Hit this bong with me
Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I can’t help thinking how ridiculous this seems
Waiting on a park bench watching for the cops
Hey are you done buying?
One time he got me high I was lit all over town
And wound up barfing for awhile, on my way back down
You said it’s fine it always happens like that
Hey whatcha doing with sticky icky like that?
He reads High Times, munchies like a child
His weed dealer is first on his speed dial
Dreaming bout the day when he’ll wake up and find
The guy he’s buying from was a cop the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who has to suffer
Tired of saying no, so stop asking me
Hit this bong with me
Standing by and waiting ‘til I move out
No more saying no to him asking me
Hit this bong with me
Hit this bong with me
[solo]
Oh, it’s not like I’m anti-smoking pot, everybody’s got their right
But you’re always lighting up, in the middle of the night
It’s hard to study hard, when you’re smoking out some guy
Cause you always seal the room, so I get a hotbox high
Can’t you see that I’m the one who can’t stand you
Tired of saying no, so stop asking me
Hit this bong with me
Standing by and waiting ‘til it’s legal
Maybe then he’ll finally not ask me
Hit this bong with me
Hit this bong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
Hit this bong with me
Hit this bong with me
|
||||
3. |
Finding My Sound
02:26
|
|||
I wish I’d sing like Coldplay
With their sexy British accents
It’s all, mellow, yellow, ello
Or maybe be John Mayer with his panty wetting songs
All his girlfriend’s bodies’ are a wonderland
But I think one thing would steal the show
If I was harder, better, faster, stronger
Make my songs a lot less longer
Revealed that I’m a sex monger
That means I peddle in flesh
I’m tryin to find my sound
Looking all around
Breaking new ground
Maybe I will astound
Instead of ABC
How about Do re mi
No more lazy
Gotta find my crazy
A lotta emo songwriters when they run out of words
They go, ooh woah oh, ooh woah oh
A lot of urban hip-hop likes to make up phrases
Like three alarm chili all over them bitches faces
Smear it all up and down their faces
I’m tryin to find my sound
Looking all around
Breaking new ground
Maybe I will astound
Instead of ABC
How about Do re mi
No more lazy
Gotta find my crazy
Have you ever noticed
Guitarists and singers are chick magnets
Well then, I must be doing something wrong
Cause I’m getting nothing from these songs
I’m tryin to find my sound
Looking all around
Breaking new ground
Maybe I’ll be profound
Instead of ABC
How about Do re mi
No more lazy
Gotta find my crazy
I’m tryin to find my sound
Looking all around
Breaking new ground
Maybe I will dumbfound
Instead of Ah beh ceh
No hablo Ingles
No more lazy
Gotta find my crazy
|
||||
4. |
||||
Baby doll,
Good to see ya, how's it going?
You know I’ve
Got a bit of a confession
Just because we’ve been together for about a half decade
It shouldn’t mean that you let yourself go
Look at you
It’s not your hair or your figure
Baby, you
know I don’t mind that you’ve got bigger
It’s just a little problem that would be so easy to fix
Do you know what you need, what you need, baby
Moisturizer
Moisture-Moisturizer
You need moisturizer
Oh Moisturizer Oh
You need moisturizer Baby
You, You You need
You, You You need
Moisturizer, Moisturizer, Moisturizer
Girl don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you need
Girl don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you need
Ooh, Neutrogena
Ooh, Burt’s Bees
Your face looks like
My grandmother’s knees
Girl don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you need
Everytime I hold your hand it feels like a dry sea
You Say I'm Crazy
And that you hate me
But all you need is
Some moisturizer
WebMD
Says dry skin might come from smoking
Or if your
Body suffers from malnutrition
I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard
It could be easy
Let’s put down, let’s put down the donut
Lollipops
Can give you glucose level problems
Which in turn,
May cause dehydrated dry skin
Maybe it’s your birth control that’s
Giving you Xerosis, but probably not. Oh god I hope not
Moisturizer
Moisture-Moisturizer
You need moisturizer
Oh Moisturizer Oh
You need moisturizer Baby
You, You You need
You, You You need
Moisturizer, Moisturizer, Moisturizer
Girl don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you need
Girl don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you need
Dermalogica
Ooh, Burt’s Bees
Your face looks like
My grandmother’s knees
Babe don't try to front I (I) know just (just) what you need
Everytime I hold your hand it feels like dry seaweed
You Say I'm Crazy
And that you hate me
But all you need is
Some moisturizer
Maybe if we both lived in a different day
(Moisturizer, Moisturizer, Moisturizer Moisturizer)
It would be all good, and babe I’d buy you some Olay
But I can't 'cause you don't
use...
Moisturizer
Moisture-Moisturizer
You need moisturizer
Oh Moisturizer Oh
You need moisturizer Baby
You, You You need
You, You You need
Moisturizer, Moisturizer, Moisturizer
|
||||
5. |
||||
Da da da da da
Underneath your shirt is your bra bra bra.
God, this shit's like a padlock
Is the clasp in the back or the front? What a cock block
I don't need your help, cause I got this
Just turn around girl and let me work it
Don't gimmie sour grapes, just be patient
Imma need another minute
In the bed
Making hot moves
Clothes are off
Except her Bra
Wanna see her
Mammary glands
But I'm stuck
Can't seem to undo her
Bra bra bra
It must be broken right?
Nah nah nah
I'm at her back she's like
Ow ow ow
The mood is killed cause of that
Bra Bra Bra Bra Bra
Maybe I could take a little workshop
So I can circumvent all these boob locks
Can't you sport, just a sports bra?
(Not hot)
Or what about a dress with your breasts, free and unblocked?
See why this is unfair?
Cause I don't have a lock blocking my underwear
I got an idea though
Maybe Velcro?
In the car
On the backseat
Her bra's caught
In her hair
Oh just hush
Baby hold up
Well, I'm stumped
Can't seem to undo her
Bra bra bra
It must be broken right?
Nah nah nah
I'm at her back she's like
Ow ow ow
The mood is killed cause of that
Bra Bra Bra Bra Bra
You be delayin'
You always givin excuses
You say you're busy
Too busy to get with this?
Damn you bra, bra, bra
Cause I don't care what you do
For women
You know you're killing my love life
Can't seem to undo her
Bra bra bra
It must be broken right?
Nah nah nah
I'm at her back she's like
Ow ow ow
The mood is killed cause of that
Bra Bra Bra Bra Bra
Bras bras bras
Can't you do it for me?
Nah nah nah
I think I need to call my
Ma-ma-ma
And ask her how to undo
Bras bras bras
Bras Bras
|
||||
6. |
Happiness
03:08
|
|||
See that girl sitting over there
She don't know it but I'm gonna swear
To make her my life, she'd better get prepared
I'll give her happiness
I'll give her my happiness
U can see it all around her face
Don't bother hiding it, it needs its space
Let it rock out and you'll come ahead
She's never had the right amount of happiness
Sometimes too much
And sometimes not enough
But I can give it to her
And I promise it won't suck
Once she takes a look at what I offer
She’ll play the doctor
Tell me drop and cough sir
And I will oblige
Cause I will not deny her
My happiness
I won’t deny her my happiness
Oh U can see it all around her face
Don't bother hiding it, it needs its space
Let it hang out and you'll come ahead
My momma told me son
Don’t think your day is done
Until you’ve shared your happiness
With everyone
So I took her words to heart
And now I’m doing my own part
To spread my seed both through and through
No I won’t stop til you feel it too
Now when I say hap, you say pee, and I’ll say nis, and we’ll say wee
Hap, Pee, Nis, Wee!
Hap, Pee, Nis, Wee!
Now listen up close, and listen to this
When I say Hap, you say Penis
Hap, Penis
Hap…Pe…
I’ll show you my happiness
Can you feel my happiness?
U can have it all around your face
Don't bother hiding it, it needs its space
Whip it out now and you'll come ahead
See my happiness
Taste my happiness
Touch my happiness
And suck my…
|
||||
7. |
||||
When you Pee
Wash your hands thoroughly
It’s unsanitary
To just wee and then leave
Number
1,2,or 3
You don’t need to tell me
Whatever it may be
Let’s live hygenically
Did you wash your hands?
After you used the can
I don’t have much hope
That you used soap
It doesn’t take too long
Just sing a children’s song
The Alphabet one works
So scrub til it hurts
Are you clean?
Living in filth is the worst thing
Are you clean?
I am watching
Don’t touch me
If your hands are filthy
You may not have touched pee
But there could be debris
Number
1,2,or 3
You don’t need to tell me
Whatever it may be
Let’s live hygenically
Here’s how I see
When you don’t wash up
You leave immediately
Right when you flush
You’ll be shaking hands
With people at the dance
If they only knew
They could be shaking poo
Are you clean?
Living like you is obscene
Are you clean?
I am watching
O, Em, Gee
It’s not only just me
I think others agree
That you’re pretty dirty
Number
1,2,or 3
You don’t need to tell me
Whatever it may be
Let’s live hygenically
What you do is abhorrent
Spreading germs with no repent
If you don’t like the sound advice
I’ll just have to ask you nice
Maybe twice
Or Thrice
Or Frice
When you Pee
Wash your hands thoroughly
It’s unsanitary
To just wee and then leave
Number
1,2,or 3
You don’t need to tell me
Whatever it may be
Let’s live hygienically
Talking
A,B,C
Easy as 1, 2, 3
Simple as OCD
Plus the water is free
I
C, U, P
How are you so icky?
It should be mandatory
Wash your hands after you pee
Please
|
||||
8. |
||||
Hey, ohh, let me tell you no. Oh baby.
Trying to decide, trying to decide if I, really wanna go out tonight
I never use to go out without you, I'm not sure I remember how to
I'm gonna be late gonna be late but, all my boys gonna have to wait cause,
I don't know if I like my outfit. I think I found something in your closet
Nothing feels right when I'm wearing briefs, loving your dress and your bright capris
Putting them on when you’re not at home, trying to cross dress when I'm all alone
Ima step into your lingerie, strutting through your house all night all day
Feel kinda gay, with nothing but your g-string on
Oh, with nothing but your g-string on
Hey, gotta be strong gotta be strong but your boots are really hurting not sure what’s wrong
I thought since that I could do a calf lift, walking in your heels would be no big trick
now I don't, now I don't know if I'm, ever really gonna let you know but I,
tried dressing up for Halloween
You laughed and said I made a hot drag queen
Nothing feels right when I'm wearing briefs, loving your dress and your bright capris.
Putting them on when you’re not at home, trying to cross dress when I'm all alone
Ima step into your lingerie, strutting through your house all night all day
Feel kinda gay, with nothing but your g-string on
Oh, with nothing but your g-string on
Hey hey, I don’t flip out when you wear my jacket
Breakdown start crying giving me all this shit
Just because I like to wear your rouge, doesn’t mean I’m all about the dudes
Ima still treat you like a princess, it’s not like this is committing incest.
But You can see my breasts cause, I’ve got nothing but your g-string on.
Nothing but your g-string on
I’m wearing your g-string I’m wearing your g-string
I’ve got a wedgie.
|
||||
9. |
||||
He’s a douchebag, with a heart of gold
He’s a douchebag, with a heart of gold
If you ask him if the dress you’re wearing makes you look fat
He’ll say yes
But if you need a pickup from the airport, cause it’s late and you can’t find a cab
He’ll say yes, cause
He’s a douchebag, with a heart of gold
He says things like,
I’m gonna make a poontang gang tonight
And every story starts about his hair
But every so once in awhile
He’ll break free from denial
It’s hard to take, but you can’t shake
His genuine smile
He’s a douchebag,with a heart of gold
He’s a douchebag, and he doesn’t know
If he needs your car to run some errands, but your ride is almost out of gas
He won’t fill up
But if he sees you drunk inside a club and you can hardly pick yourself back up
He’ll fend guys off
He’s a douchebag, with a heart of gold
He’s the type of guy who likes to chase his beer with shots
And every shirt in his closet has got its collar popped
But every so once in awhile
He’ll break free of denial
It’s hard to take, but you can’t shake
His genuine smile
He’s a douchebag, with a heart of gold
He’s a douchebag, outwardly cold
If you ask him if he cried when Rose, had to let go of Jack
He’ll say no
But if your boyfriend’s talking shit about you, spreading lies and all that kind of crap,
He’s got your back.
He’s a douchebag, with a heart of gold
|
||||
10. |
||||
What happened?
My teacher asked me
When I failed out
Of Chemistry
But aren’t you Asian?
Just like on TV
They love to study
And got angry mommies
No I’m not an engineer, for the last time
Even if you didn’t ask, it’s crossed your mind
So if you’re ever adding up the tip
Don’t expect me to help a bit
Cause I don’t know
What 15 percent of anything is
Because if you look into my eyes
Then you’ll see I’m just a normal guy
And that’ll break your heart
I’m Asian but not smart
I’m Asian but not smart
First day of Psych class
On the seventh floor
First thing they told me was
Physics is next door
But at least I’m still awesome
At Table Tennis
That’s the best I,
Can do for you
So if you’re running to me with a TI-85
Just know it’ll cut me like a knife
So if a hottie ever needs my help
With derivatives or when things melt
I’ll turn my face
No use in hot girls anyway
Because if you look into my eyes
Then you’ll see I’m just a normal guy
And that’ll break your heart
I’m Asian but not smart
I’m Asian but not smart
It’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
That’s what my mom will say
So if you ever see one on the street
Don’t assume he knows his one, two, threes
Just turn your head
And ask a Jewish boy instead
Because if you look into my eyes
Then you’ll see I’m just a normal guy
And that’ll break your heart
I’m Asian but not smart
I’m Asian but not smart
I’m Asian but not smart
|
||||
11. |
||||
I hopped out the club, no luck tonight
With a buzz, oh Im drunk again
Trying to start my car thinking Im alright
(woah) Almost hit that fence
Woke up in a cell
Here I am for the first time
Look to the right and I see a funny looking mime
This is all so crazy
The other night seems so hazy
My tummys turnin and I think Im getting beer shits
Too much liquor and I'm nauseas,
That's when the police man turned on the radio
and it all came back that night
it all came back that night
Everything that happened that night
Had to put my hands up
Theyre whipping out cuffs
They told me that Im not okay
Finger to nose like yea
Standing on one foot, no
I got my hands up,
Theyre reading my rights
Theyre gonna put me away
No, Im about to get a DUI
No, Im about to get a DUI
Get to the jail in my chauffeured ride
Everybody's lookin at me now
Like whos that hick, thats looking sick?
Were gonna have to beat him down
So hard with these Crips all around me
Its definitely not a slumber party
Cause instead of pajamas
Everybodys got beef with my momma.
My head is aching and I really wanna go home
But I cant find my Iphone
That's when the po po dropped some news on me
Im gonna have to go to court
Im gonna have to go to court
I bet Britney never went to court
Had to put my hands up
Theyre whipping out cuffs
They told me that Im not okay
Countin to ten like yea
Walk in a straight line, no
I got my hands up,
Theyre reading my rights
Theyre gonna put me away
No, cant believe I got a DUI
No, cant believe I got a DUI
Feel like hoppin' in my car (in my car)
Hang out with my with friends tonight (friends tonight)
Something stops me everytime (everytime)
Cause the judge took my license I cannot drive
I had put my hands up
Theyre whipping out cuffs
They told me that Im not okay
Noddin my head like, whuh? [act drunk]
Swaying around like, uhhh [act drnk]
I got my hands up,
Theyre reading my rights
Theyre gonna put me away
No, Im about to get a DUI
No, cant believe I got a DUI
Oh my god I got a DUI!
|
||||
12. |
Generic Love Song
02:42
|
|||
This is a generic love song
Fill in the blanks for whatever girl rolls along
Blank I love you
Blank I need you
And blank, you’re the only one who makes me feel this way
This is a generic love song
Good for getting a girl, down to her thong
Look I can sing and play the guitar
But honestly this isn’t very hard
This is the part where you get on your knees
And tell her, baby please, oh we were meant to be
Blank, spend your life with me
Oh Blank, your hair is beautiful
And Oh blank, your smile is wonderful
I just want to blank you
I just want to blank you
I want to spend my mother blanking life with you
This is a generic love song
Fill in the blanks for whatever girl rolls along
Blank I love you
Blank I need you
And blank, you’re the only one who makes me feel this way
|
||||
13. |
||||
Do you know a number who has its own
Symbol whose ending just can’t be known
Makes me feel special even though I know I’m not
Find it all around you even out of books
Everywhere you look an
Irrational has found you
It loves being around you
I’ll make it easy
(As easy as three point three point one four)
It’s just a ratio of a
circle’s circumference
(Pi loves you)
Pi loves you
It’s only three point one four one five nine two
(Pi loves you)
(Pi loves you)
If you wanna find the space inside a disk
All you have to do is find its radius
Take it to the second, now just bring your closest friend
The ancient Babylonians used it first
Anywhere on earth
You can claim that you have found it
It loves being unbounded
I’ll make it easy
(As easy as three point three point one four)
It’s just a ratio of a
circle’s circumferenceI
(Pi loves you)
Pi Loves you
It’s only three point one four one five nine two six five three
(Pi loves me)
Pi loves me
(Pi Loves you)
Pi loves you
(I’ll make it easy, it’s easy as three point three point one four)
It’s only three point one four one five nine two
(Pi loves you)
Pi loves you
It’s only three point one four one five nine two six five three
Pi loves me
Pi loves me
|
||||
14. |
||||
Somebody call 911,
I've got a funny burning in my pants now, woah
Crotch is burning, crotch is burning
Woke up in a cheap motel
Got up cause I had to pee like hell
Hit me soon as I walked through the door
My pocket started tickling
Followed by an unpleasant burning
Even once I finished urinating
I should be bagging, before tagging
Like my momma said
I mustve been so crazy drunk that I was out of my head
Now take my health care card and my blood sample
Oh god, my pee burns like the fire
Burns like fire
Somebody call 911,
I've got a funny burning in my pants now, woah
Im at the doctors now
Trying to member that one night, on the dance floor
Whoa
It's either herpes, gonorrhea, or the clap now
That little shawty must've gave me a disease now
Out of all the sexy ladies on the dance floor
I had to pick the one that acted like a big whore
Crotch is burning, crotch is burning
Your body is a masterpiece
So dont go getting any STDs
Cause aint no doubt its with you for life
Be afraid of creepy fellas
Who dont wanna slip on any rubbas
Or youll be dry, humping forever
Dont be a fool, wrap your tool, before you dive in the pool
And remember all the things you ever learned from school
Now take your health care card and your blood sample
Shawty lets go get tested
Go get tested!
Somebody call 911,
I've got a funny burning in my pants now, woah
Im at the doctors now
Trying to member that one night, on the dance floor
Whoa
It's either herpes, gonorrhea, or the clap now
That little shawty must've gave me a disease now
Out of all the sexy people on the dance floor
Please dont go home with the person whos a big whore
You got that fire in your pants thatll make them girlies run away
(Ew!)
I think you caught, something bad, shouldve used a condom
(Ew!)
You got that fire in your pants thatll make them girlies run away
(Oh god! Get out my way! Venereal, Fire Burning , Hey!)
I think you caught something bad, shouldve used a condom
(Chlamydia! Herpes! Gonorrhea, lets go hey!)
So lets all, tear it, roll it, use it, that prophylactic
Hold the base, when youre pulling out so we all stay safe
Now take your health care card and your blood sample
Shawty lets all go get tested
Go get tested
Somebody call 911,
I've got a funny burning in my pants now,
Woah
Im at the doctors now
Trying to member that one night, on the dance floor
Whoa
It's either herpes, gonorrhea, or the clap now
That little shawty must've gave me a disease now
Out of all the sexy people on the dance floor
Please dont diddle with the person whos a big whore
Somebody call 911,
|
||||
15. |
Gone
02:44
|
|||
Long ago, I had two ladies that I selfishly played like pawns
On one hand there was Rhea, and the other girl, her name was Gone.
This feeling was tearing me apart
I should have known it would from the very start
Now I know to treat my ladies better
Rhea, I’m sorry, Gone baby I miss you
But the choice still stands
Gone or Rhea?
Gone or Rhea
Gone or Rhea
Is it Gone or is it Rhea?
Tell me, does it look like Gone or Rhea
Or does it smell like Gone or Rhea
My friends all tell me I should go see some doctors
That didn’t help, oh I still have this problem
My mom says Gone, Dad says wouldn’t want to be ya
Gone or Rhea
Oh it burns and it stings
And it’s painful
You’re in trouble this time
What an awful pair of tests
These things I have to go through
They’ll never end!
Gone or Rhea!
Gone or Rhea
Is it Gone or is it Rhea?
Tell me, does it look like Gone or Rhea
Or does it smell like Gone or Rhea
|
||||
16. |
||||
I can almost see it
That other white meat but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
Don’t even eat it,
Every step they’re taking,
Every claim they make’s like
Blame with no discretion
My faith is shaking but
I Got to keep trying
Got to keep my friends informed
There’s always going to be another outbreak
There’s really nothing anyone can do
Always going to be an animal scapegoat,
Last time it was the avian flu
Ain’t about how fast it got here,
Ain’t about the former in your ham and cheese
It's the swine
The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes they’ll warn me not to
But I’ll still eat bacon
They may not know it but
Pig meat holds no risk
Unless you’re the type of guy who
Likes to lick piglets
I Got to keep trying
Got to keep my peeps informed
There’s always going to be another outbreak
Fever, coughs, probably loose stools
Always going to be an animal scapegoat,
Dog, horse, even Spanish flu
Ain’t about the H1N1,
It’s all because some kid in Mexico
Kissed a swine
There’s always going to be another outbreak
Thankfully it’s not a zombie flu
That would always be a downhill battle,
Sometime you’re going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast it got here
Ain’t about what Egypt plans to do
That’s kill the swine
Yea e yeaa
Keep on eating
Keep buying
Keep the faith, Bah ram ewe
It’s all about
It’s all about
The Swine
That’ll a do
That’ll do, pig
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17. |
Rap Montage
04:17
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18. |
Jenton Fremont
Jenton maintains a strong presence on YouTube, with 4500 subscribers, over 1.8 MILLION video views, and with viral hits like his 'Beyonce - If I Were a Boy' parody that has gotten over 200,000 hits on YouTube.
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